I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
