I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She told me I should be a condom model.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
