...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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