I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
