"it" just moved
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
