I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize