no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
what is it with giant penises always finding me
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
