You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
