carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
