Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
