We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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