Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize