Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
