I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
