I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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