dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
