when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
