I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
