If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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