Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
