I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
