I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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