I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Randomize
