I want to have your abortion
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
