Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
