I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
cat food counts as protein by the way
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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