i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
