You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
