So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
