omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
