she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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