Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
