More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Vodka?
Forever.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize