In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize