My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Congratulations! We have a period
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