I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It's official drugs can't kill me
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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