Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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