you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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