4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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