Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
