I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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