i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
