Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
