Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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