you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
