all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
