I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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