I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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