he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
