Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
