I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
