I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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