This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
