a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
