he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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