Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize