I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
