FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
