I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
