I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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