I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
