$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
