I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
