She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
