Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
