Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
