I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
