Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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