he puts the penis in happiness.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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