just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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