OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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