just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
