After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
