hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I fill condoms, not promises.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
