***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
