its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
