Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
