I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
