I'm going to jail i love you
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
