i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
